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I’m amused when I think of hearing the question, “What do you do?” It’s inevitable when you are one half of a couple and your partner is accomplished someone familiar with the accomplished person asks you to explain in what way you are also successful.
I’ve answered a version(s) of the question, and I think I’d like to prepare a response. A solution statement. A one or two-liner that leaves space for the curious questioner to continue. I recall confidently dragging out an answer with facts about myself: I retired from a cyber career in the Air Force; I’ve built a few websites for nonprofits and small businesses; I went to coding school to call myself a software engineer, and my GitHub is full of cobwebs.
My last exchange was very unsatisfying. I’m sure the person I was talking to figured out that I don’t do much of anything professionally. I chuckle to myself thinking about the next time I’ll have to answer the question. I don’t like the fact that I’ll be reduced to what I do professionally. And only because I’m a man. Podcasters and YouTube gurus tell me that we men are valued for what we perform, how we perform, or what we provide.
Please don’t misinterpret me: I’m not complaining. I’m just stating an observation. You’re welcome to prove me wrong. Watch how often a man is asked what he does versus being asked,” So what are you into, Michael?”, “Michael, how do you spend your time?”, or “What’s important to you?”
I could be completely wrong. Maybe the guy has an interesting appearance or disposition that makes someone curious.
What do I do?
Let’s start with the facts. I retired from active duty in the Fall of 2018. I’ve done multiple jobs and services to earn money and avoid going back to full-time employment. I want my family to have as much time with me as possible without my mind and body exhausted 5 days per week.
That last sentence is what I do now — and the point of this post. I prioritize my family over my job. Who I am (defined by my values) is more important to me than what I do (defined by my tax returns). That’s why I reject (and chuckle at) the notion that my value is based on my job. I’ve been there and done that.
For 18 out of 20 years, I made my rank, job title, and pleasing my leadership more important to me than my family. I won’t do it again. If you’re wondering, it leads to a lonely, unhealthy life.
I admit it’s tough to share with a working professional that I’m selective about the work/service I do for income. That I work very few hours in a given week. It sounds the same as saying, “I do nothing.“ That’s the other reason I’m making this post. I want to have a canned response ready to go the next time I get the question.
Brainstorming
Let’s brainstorm. I want to capture that I do work in my professions but that I do very few projects. I want to say that I prioritize having time available to serve my family members overworking. I prioritize my physical health over working. Also, I want to be able to confidently say the thing in one breath — shorter than a mission statement, much shorter than an elevator pitch, and pretty much the length of a software application’s problem statement.
Here’s #1: I’m retired from Cyber in the Air Forde. My day-to-day is full of being a present family man, and I take on projects that I like.
I like this one, but it feels brief enough. The two lines say everything I think is relevant. I think “I take on projects…” is vague enough to solicit a follow-up question from an asker who’s interested in knowing more and vague enough to be accepted as the complete answer. I’m keeping that part. I can talk about any social media content I’m doing, a program I’m contributing to or building, a speech I’m working out, etc.
#2: I’m a software engineer by trade with a long background in LAN administration. Day-to-day I take on projects I like, however, I prioritize family time and being as accessible as possible to the important people.
I like this one a lot. I smile big while writing it. It’s very transparent. The only thing I’m not sure I like is the order of things I’ve mentioned. I mention what’s important to me at the end. Maybe that’s the best way to do that because the asker might remember the last few words most — especially if the question is asked to be polite instead of from genuine interest. I’m assuming. Sometimes, I know people, and sometimes I’m way off.
For now, I’ll roll with one of these two or mix them. We’ll see what happens. I already feel more prepared because I hashed out the important elements of the canned response.