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Comedians know that to have a great set you have to play to the audience members who came to see you. I almost failed this lesson badly after getting news I didn’t want to hear from a woman I like.
In dating with a romantic intent, I have to direct my attention to the cast members who want to be in the room with me. I say this out loud to remind myself. To coach myself. To convince myself to be practical and operate with common sense. Some want to be here, Michael. Some don’t.
I’m lucky to have the attention of someone so likable and successful. However, I’m also a high value partner. I’m a prize too. I have to say these things out loud to remind myself that I too am a catch in this wild west world of dating.
The message was clear, honest, and brief…It was both final and indeterminate.
—Michael P. Wright
A real but painful morning
This morning, I listened to an audio message sent from a young lady I like, and the sh*t hurt in my chest. And a little bit still. The message was clear, honest, and brief. It was emotional. It was gratitude. It was a confession and an apology. It was instructional. It was both final and indeterminate.
Most important to me is that the message was a young lady I like being honest with herself and me — about us. It was a message I didn’t want to hear. I suspected the conversation might come one day — kind of like I willed it to happen. There were hints in our past conversations. I just really didn’t want to hear it, but I can imagine a more upsetting outcome happening in a scenario where her and I continued while she kept hidden the way she feels. I’m not crazy or irrational for not wanting bad news, and if I were a third party instead of the recipient of the message, I might have even applauded the level of honest, direct introspection.
But it was me, and that sh*t stung. I bring it up because at the time I listened to the message and performed a big boy pants reply, I couldn’t remind myself that I’m a prize too. If only there was a light switch to remind me, right? A self-esteem boost switch like nitrous oxide in a Fast and Furious movie. Or maybe a sense of self-worth activator I could puff from an asthma inhaler.
Weird timing though
The timing is eerie, and I almost made the terrible mistake of canceling a planned afternoon with a different young lady who is, without question, an audience member who came to see me play. I almost cancelled because of the emotions I felt after listening to the well-explained bad news audio message. Imagine a comedian standing on stage and spending 55 minutes of a one hour set jousting with a heckler instead of telling the jokes he brought to the show. My God, I really almost canceled our date.
A peaceful, fun afternoon
The young lady who I spent the day with has the advantage of knowing me longer than anyone else I’m romantically interested and has a minor logistical disadvantage. Our day was planned roughly two weeks in advance, and in a very brief moment, I considered asking her not to come. I feel like it was a test.
I say the timing was eerie because the bad news audio message put my emotions in a sad place where I wanted to choose to be alone for the rest of the day to avoid the risk of my misery being contagious. But, I wanted to see her standing in front of me. I wanted to reach my long arms around her waist and hear her Lena Horne-like southern accent next to my ear instead of over WiFi. Those desires were stronger than my need to sulk.
If it was a test, I passed. An older version of me would have bailed, felt remorse, and sat alone at home in silence. I’m not normally someone to say that things happen for a reason — because the phrase is stupid and obvious. I will say a version of that line and declare the two events that happened to me today needed to happen the way they did.