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Today, I’m thinking about the outcomes of past relationships. My theory is that a relationship succeeds when the couple prioritizes agreeing on an outcome over their understanding how they will get to that outcome.
For a romantic relationship, it seems the what is more important than the how.
What asks questions like these: What is it we both want? Do we want the same things?
How asks questions like these: How do we get where we want to go? How will this work?
Reflecting on Past Relationships
I’m reflecting on past relationships. In many, I’ve been distracted – and even blinded – by worrying about the how. In my last relationship, I lost sight of the what and focused on the barriers between us. In the end, there was nothing salvageable from it except the lessons learned.
Today, I’m fantasizing a future, healthy relationship where the end goal, the purpose is discussed and agreed – a clear, solidified common what.
If we think about a relationship like a painting…every movement will feel like a step toward what we imagine or a step away from it.
Just Like a Painting
If we think about approaching a relationship like a painting, we always start with an idea of what we want to create. We begin without knowing every color and brush stroke. One stroke adds onto another. One color leads us to others. Every movement will feel like a step toward what we imagine or a step away from it.
A misstep is acknowledged, accepted, and forgiven because the prize is still out front. Ruminating hinders progress. The goal persists until the work is finished.
Whether this thing turns out how we imagined or not is irrelevant. There’s comfort in knowing that we stayed on the path to create it. It’s exactly what it could be.