Learn How to Listen from My Dad Used to Say Files

Learn how to listen, son!

Phillip H. Johnson, Dad’s Greatest Hits

This morning, I woke remembering something my dad said regularly to a younger me. My dad would say “Learn how to listen” when I followed his instructions poorly or forgot a task altogether.

I’m still learning how to listen, but I think I’m ahead of the curve. With some confidence, I can claim that I have learned well enough how to be a good listener to teach my kids good habits early.

Ooooh, That’s What He Meant

What I realized later about that line from my dad’s greatest hits was that he was suggesting I listen to understand what’s being said – not so much commit words to memory. I remember growing up understanding that you didn’t question your parents when told to do something and that you shouldn’t be told to do something more than once.

In my childlike wisdom, I misinterpreted these laws. I assumed the rules eliminated the opportunity of me asking for clarification or feedback about instructions dad had given. I treated my instructions like the Mission Impossible orders where the messages self-destructed, and all I had to rely on was memory. It’s funny to think about today, because I know there’s no way dad would’ve chastised me simply for asking “What time should the trash be taken out every day?” or “Can I hang a list of my chores on the refrigerator so I see them when I’m in the kitchen?” Of course he would’ve helped me out had I asked, because it would show I was willing to understand how to perform better.

I’m sure pride was a factor in my dumping instructions from memory. Throughout childhood, I believed I was smarter than everyone else. No exaggeration, I genuinely believed it. I probably told myself things like I’ll figure it out and I’ll remember.

The Puzzle to Solve

So the puzzle I have to figure out, the problem I have to solve with my kids: How do I enforce following my instructions while creating-maintaining a relationship with the kids where they are willing to obey without resistance AND ALSO ask for clarity/guidance/details when they need help carrying out the instructions?

How do I make it clear to the kids that it’s cool to ask for help to get it right?