At IHOP, a kind waitress told me I “have a very beautiful daughter and a beautiful son”.
Some minutes later, she mentioned that my daughter could be a model.
Thank You?
I agree Maddalyn might do well in a professional spotlight, and I should take the compliment.
But lately and more frequently, I would prefer others to not tell my daughter she’s pretty.
I wonder if I’m wrong for that.
Pretty is a Problem
I think pretty is responsible for planting insecurities in girls and women. If you’re told repeatedly that you are/have a certain quality, that quality becomes a part of your identity — an expectation, a standard for yourself.
The specific case of being called pretty and other compliments on appearance are things I can’t speak on from experience — only observation — so call that a theory.
But I can relate to being called smart and how it affected my self-worth/self-confidence during periods of my teens and adulthood where I experienced problems I couldn’t resolve — especially relationships.
The Point
I don’t want my daughter to succumb to the traps and struggles of beauty standards I witness. I’m desperate for ways to help her see through them.
Call me an asshole, but any other compliment would do.
In fact, I‘ve told her she looks smart or like “a kind person” when she’s asked me if her hair or dress looks pretty.