As I’m building a very complex web project for a client, I’m learning a lot about front-end, backend, and WordPress.
Also, I’m learning about prioritizing time and preparing presentations to manage expectations — ideas outside of my comfort zone.
Today, while causing friction with my client by persistently moving completion dates, I’m enjoying only the learning part of the project. All of my client’s feelings are justified by the continued delays, and I understand very well the causes.
But like mourning a love one, this is a problem that only time fixes.
Military Flashbacks
Again, I’m having inadequacy feelings a lot like I would experience in the military. Feels like I’m moving more slowly than I should and/or more slowly than anyone else would with these tasks.
It feels like shit. Intuitively, I know that feelings are low on the totem pole of requirements for completing important tasks, but it’s very, very uncomfortable.
It’s so uncomfortable that I’m willing to bail — just like with the military. This project is what I asked for which means it’s what I wanted. The stress and energy no longer feels worth the reward.
The Learning is What I Love
It’s the learning I love most. It’s the newness of doing something I haven’t experienced that draws me into challenges like these. There’s this huge conflict — maybe rift is a better word — between doing what I love (learning something new) and getting someone to pay me for it.
The problem is that while I’m ok to work and learn at an artist’s pace, the person(s) paying me are not. At least not in website development. Not yet. For example, on an impromptu conference call today, my client asked me 3 times in 3 different ways the same question that began with “Will X be complete by…?”
I couldn’t say that’s not what I asked for because I totally did. I took on a project that needed at least 2 of me and at least 4-6 months of design and planning before a single line of code was written.
The Dream
Maybe my goal should be to build creations so insanely awesome that client’s will wait with wide eyes until I unveil their masterpiece.
Ya know? Like “What’s he going to do next?”
How shamelessly grandiose.
